October is finally here and for some of us, its the most exciting time of the year, for others (like myself whose heart is BLACK *insert emo face*) dread seeing the leaves turn colors, grass dying, and the temperature drop below 95…at least here in Texas anyway. You may be asking yourself, “Gee Preston, I thought EVERYONE loved Fall. Why don’t you? You stupid or sum thin’?” Well…no, I like to think that I have the cure for cancer locked deep inside my brain, all I would need is for someone to pull that greatness out of me and donate 3 easy payments of $99.99. No big deal! Anywho, I have collected my top 10 reasons why Fall can go suck it…and if you don’t know what “it” is, feel free to use your imagination!
1. Girls + Brown Boots
Like whose idea was this? I’m convinced that every girl has this little microchip in their brain and it sends signals of what other girls are doing. Hoping to not fall victim to FOMO (fear of missing out) they purchase BROWN…not black…not white…BROWN riding boots and wear them everyday, everywhere, ALL THE TIME…What did we do to you?
2. Infinity Scarves
I love Pinterest…thats where I find all of my pictures…but please, NOT EVERYONE HAS TO HAVE AN INFINITY SCARF! Your neck can’t be THAT cold!
3. New F@#&ing Couples
I’ve been in a relationship for the past five years, so I get it…but NONE of you guys are concerned with being in a relationship until it becomes “cuddle” weather….#icant
4. Dark Makeup
Dark makeup is not just regulated to the Fall and Winter months…Dark makeup is cool and sexy as hell! You can wear it all year long…girls are like, “Its finally 79.9 degrees, time to bust out my dark, matte lip!” UGH.
5. Panera Bread and McAllisters
Why do girls say, “Its so cold outside, I could definitely go from a bowl of soup and a sandwich!” Why?! When there are ribs and sausage links to be cooked! Panera Bread makes most of their money on girls wanting to “eat light” while warming up! Why??!
6. Excessive Layering
Its not that cold! It just isn’t! I’m going to stick pins in my eyes if I see it this fall!!! You look homeless…there…I said it…happy?…Why do I always have to be the bad guy lol.
7. Excessive Layering….BUT NO LEATHER!
Leather is the ONLY badass thing about Fall but I hardly see people wear it! Lets be cool together you guys!!!
8. The Weather
Its either SUPER COLD or freaking 85 and Sunny! Pick a season mother nature! If I wore boots yesterday, I don’t want to have to BUST out my flip flops tomorrow makin my way downtown walking fast as I’m homebound!
9. Pumpkin Patches
Not every child loves pumpkin patches! Plus pumpkins taste disgusting!……Who am I kidding…I’ll be the first one to take my child to a pumpkin patch to grab some pictures…
10. PUMPKIN SPICE ANYTHING!!!!!!!!
Pumpkin spice can go to the deepest part of hell and SUCK IT!!! Pumpkin spice latte, pumpkin spice cupcakes, pumpkin spice flavored thongs!!!….WHY GOD WHY!!!???? I don’t need anything butternut squash flavored or pumpkin spice scented…NOTHING…I don’t want it!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!
I’m done with life….look for me next Spring because just I CANT with Winter either! lol
HAPPY FALL EVERYONE!!!